so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
