none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
