Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
