Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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