Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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