I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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