I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
