Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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