When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
