i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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