People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
