oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
