I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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