I'm gonna have a badass scar
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Two words: blizzard sex
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
