If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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