yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
