everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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