NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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