Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
