i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
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