never play flip cup with pint glasses
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
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