Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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