I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
