remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
