You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Cover your peen. We're going out.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
