I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
