i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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