Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
