I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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