A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
