i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
You are a genius and a whore.
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