I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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