As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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