I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
