Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
