One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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