i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
