how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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