no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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