no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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