You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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