Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
