Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
