he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
