Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
