ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
