i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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