I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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