i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
