I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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