i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Randomize
