I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
