I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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