I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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