Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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