I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
