apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
