Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
