The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i love accidental penises.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
My penis needs a shock collar
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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