Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
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