I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
