You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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