Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
it was like having sex with a tree stump
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
