yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
