I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
