well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
