I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Randomize
